Tag Archives: Jasbina Ahluwalia

Nice Guys Can Have Game Too

There’s an old saying that “nice guys finish last.” If you’re someone who believes in karma and being a decent human being, you’ll still strive to be a nice guy. However, being “nice” doesn’t have to be bland and boring. Use these five tips to keep your edge and appeal to the opposite sex:

i) Find and Pursue Your Passions: A man who knows what he wants out of life isn’t just intoxicatingly sexy to women —he’s also far more likely to be happy and successful in his own life.

Find your true passions and interests outside of dating. It will energize you in a way that makes you more magnetic, interesting and appealing to women.

ii) Focus On Bringing Value to Women’s Lives: As a nice guy, you like to help people when you can. This ethos can be applied to the dating world, too. How can you enhance the lives of the women you’re interested in?

Focus on knowing ahead of time what kinds of positive experiences you want to bring them. From lavish dinners and gifts to unforgettable experiences that uplift them, your nice guy traits can be synonymous with killer game in the dating scene.

iii) Downplay Your Niceness: This may seem counter-intuitive, but bad boys can be more alluring than nice guys—at least on the surface. Many women hope they can help bring out the “heart of gold” in even the worst bad boy. So retain your nice guy values, but at the same time, allow an air of mystery.

iv) Be Decisive: Another pitfall some nice guys fall into is deferring too much to the women they date. They think they’re “being nice,” when many women find this behavior annoying.
Make it a habit of being decisive on dates. From choosing a restaurant to deciding where to park to going in for the kiss after an amazing time, being focused and decisive shows your confidence.

v) Value Your Own Time, Energy and Effort: Being a nice guy with game means being nice to yourself, too. Never fall into the “nice guy trap” of letting women walk all over you and take advantage of your nice guy nature.  Women who don’t respect your time, effort and value don’t deserve you.

Jasbina is the founder and president of Intersections Match, the only personalized matchmaking and dating coaching firm serving singles of South Asian descent in the United States. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio. Jasbina@intersectionsmatch.com.

Five Ways Men Can Get Over Fear of Rejection

No one likes feeling rejected by another person, it creates feelings of anxiety and sadness. For men, rejection can affect how they feel about themselves as men and could take a toll on their self-confidence. Therefore, many times men refuse to approach a woman they find attractive or want to get to know. This is unfortunate, since they may be missing out on a wonderful opportunity to create a loving and fulfilling relationship. That being said, there are ways men can mitigate this fear of rejection.

1) Tell yourself: It’s not you, it’s her.

She may not be interested in getting to know you for a variety of reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you. For instance: she’s already seeing someone, not interested in dating anyone, or maybe she just had a horrible day at work. Whatever the reason, her turning down your attempt at flirting may have very little to do with you personally.

2) Fear is far worse than reality.

When you see a woman that you may be interested in dating, approach her immediately. If you wait too long, fear will set in and you’ll drum up all kinds of excuses to not approach her.

3) Rejection happens to every man.

You are not alone. Every man who has attempted flirting has been rejected at some point. It does not matter how handsome, wealthy, or witty he may be.

4) Don’t base your self-worth on others’ perceptions.

As much as rejection can hurt, keep in mind that this person doesn’t know the real you. When a woman is approached by a man, if she is interested in dating him she has to make a snap decision based on little information.

5) Learn to dread regret instead of rejection.

A powerful practice to adopt is to consider the risk of regret more so than the risk of rejection. Think to yourself: how much will I regret not talking to her later? We lose every shot we don’t take; and we tend to regret the actions we don’t have the courage to execure more than those that we do.

Don’t allow the fear of rejection to paralyze you. Have faith in the knowledge  that you’re worth getting to know.

Jasbina is the founder and president of Intersections Match, the only personalized matchmaking and dating coaching firm serving singles of South Asian descent in the United States. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio. Jasbina@intersectionsmatch.com.

Five Effective Ways to Flirt on a First Date

The chances of being asked out on a second date by a guy you like on a first date are exponentially greater if you are skilled in getting your message of wanting another date across during the first date itself. Below are five effective ways to flirt on a first date you’re genuinely enjoying:

i) Smile Frequently. Everyone loves a warm smile, so make sure you show off your pearly whites. Of course, this doesn’t mean sitting across from your date smiling like a Cheshire cat. It does mean, however, to show you’re genuinely happy. Smile frequently throughout your date, as this communicates the fact that you are having a good time.

ii) Laugh Often. Again, the idea is to have fun on your first date. This will increase the chances of a second date. Laughing is a big part of this equation. Be careful with this tip, though. Excessive laughing, especially at something that isn’t that funny, will seem like you are trying too hard. However, don’t hesitate to share your real laugh when something is amusing enough to merit a chuckle.

iii) Touch Occasionally. At some point during your date, touch your man. A light touch on his hand or a brush of your hand across his knee is all that is necessary. You can also do a half-hug when first meeting. Combine them all to create an overall successful first date.
iv) Compliment Him. Don’t go overboard, but at some point make sure you compliment your date. This will show him you are into him, that you admire him, and you want to get to know him better. I would recommend complimenting something he did versus his physical appearance. A guy will know if you are just giving him empty praise, so make it genuine.

v) Imply You Are Open For More. You should ensure he knows you want to go out again. Don’t be too pushy about it, though. You don’t have to pin him down on your next date, time or place. However, you can mention how you like doing a certain activity then casually say something to imply you would like him to go along with you next time you do it.

In short, if you enjoyed the company on your first date and look forward to a second, don’t hesitate to communicate your interest in your date.

Jasbina is the founder and president of Intersections Match, the only personalized matchmaking and dating coaching firm serving singles of South Asian descent in the United States. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio. Jasbina@intersectionsmatch.com.

Five Ways to Attract a Woman

Although technology has made meeting people easier than ever, many men find the keys to attracting a woman a bit elusive. Here are five ways to attract a woman:

i. Be Confident. Few things will make a man seem more attractive than a well-developed sense of confidence. Being confident is having an awareness of not just who you are as a person, but using that awareness to grant you a certain sense of poise and assertiveness.

Those who are confident rarely find the need to belittle others and have a more positive outlook on both life and future prospects.

ii. Be Humorous. There’s no getting around it: first impressions are critical when it comes to dating and attracting a woman. Unfortunately, first dates can often be tense, uncomfortable events.

Demonstrating a great sense of humor is an excellent way to make you stand out in a woman’s eyes. A playful comment can help cut the tension and, more importantly, help her relax.

iii. Be Adventurous. The world is full of amazing, wondrous things to do and to see. And yet, many people find themselves stuck in a rut doing the same things and visiting the same places over and over again.

Wanting to experience new things isn’t simply a female desire; it’s a universal one. An effective way to separate yourself from the crowd and stand out to women is to provide your date with an experience she has never had before.

iv. Don’t Be Needy. Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated, but no one wants to be smothered. Making a woman feel special by complimenting her, or sending her flattering messages is a great way to fan the flames of attraction.

However, sending dozens of texts or telling her after the first date that you are deeply in love with her are surefire ways to send her running.

v. Be Yourself. If you truly want to attract a woman, the single most important thing you can do is be yourself. Although it sounds clichéd, being yourself is always the best course of action when seeking a mate.

Women will respect you more for it, and it will ensure that you are with someone who is truly attracted to you for who you really are.

Jasbina is the founder and president of Intersections Match, the only personalized matchmaking and dating coaching firm serving singles of South Asian descent in the United States. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio. Jasbina@intersectionsmatch.com.

Five Tips for Flirting with Confidence

Q. I find it very difficult to flirt with guys. I often feel as though I’m coming across too strong when I show interest and not strong enough when I pull back.

A. Striking a balance between green-lighting guys in a confident manner, and not pushing them away by coming off too strong, can be an effective way to approach flirting.

1.  Make Eye Contact and Smile: According to a study done at Cornell University, maintaining eye contact with someone creates a strong sense of connection on a subconscious level. Use this to your advantage by looking at him when talking. Be sure to keep a smile on your face as well, as 96 percent of people believe that having a nice smile makes someone more attractive to the opposite sex.

2. Talk to Him Regularly: Show him you are interested by maintaining communication with him regularly. While initiating communication multiple times a day is likely to seem obsessive, too little communication might signify you just see him as a friend.

3. Show Him You’re a Happy Person: Men care about the happiness of the women in their lives; and also like to feel they can win with you.  When a man who has an interest in you perceives you as a happy person, he feels set up for success. Don’t hold back from laughing at his jokes, and throwing in a few of your own to lighten the mood. Playful, fun teasing can also serve you well. Giving genuine compliments also adds to a positive vibe.

4. Show Him You’re Comfortable in Your Own Skin: Dressing in a skin tight mini skirt and tube top might send the wrong message, but a tastefully cut neckline and well-fitting jeans can help him appreciate your comfort with your body. Always make sure you feel beautiful when around him, whether that means doing your hair, wearing makeup (most men prefer natural-looking); or just embracing your body with what you choose to wear.

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5. Touch Him: Human beings are wired to respond to touch, so it only makes sense to throw this into your flirting repertoire. Pat his arm when he says something funny or give him a comforting hug if he’s having a rough day. Keep your body language open and friendly to silently invite him to touch you back.

How to Break the Ice on a First Date

Q. First dates are very stressful. Little nagging questions in my mind cause me to close up and feel nervous. How do I overcome my jittery nerves?

A. Here are five tips for men to deal with that first date and land a second one.

1. Prepare Ahead of Time: Choose five topics that interest you ahead of time, so you know you can default to those if organic conversation doesn’t flow right away.

Choose at least one that is a national news item. This enhances the chances that your date will likely have something to add to the conversation.

If you found her through online dating sites, look at her profile and learn a bit about what interests your date. Your goal should be to find someone who interests you. One of the best ways to do that is through conversation.

2. Don’t Do All of the Talking: Let your date talk. Remember that you want to find out “who” she is as a person. This can also make your date relax and enjoy the conversation. A good goal is to use the 40/60 rule. You talk 40 percent of the time and let her talk 60 percent of the time.

3. Be Engaging, not Dismissive: Pay attention to what she says. You want her to feel that what she says is important to you. This will help her be more open and less nervous. A good way to be engaging is to ask questions that are deeper than just surface observation. Don’t edit yourself.

4. Focus on Hobbies and Activities: By talking about hobbies and activities, and why she enjoys them, you get to see more of who she is as a woman and person.

Do something on the first date that she likes. This allows her to feel and be more of an authority. It also allows you the opportunity to ask many questions. This leads to stimulating and positive conversation and both of you will have a good time.

5. Share Experiences: Share your experiences where they revolve around common interests. The goal here is to build trust and finding experiences that you may have both shared is a great way to do that.

You can improve your odds of getting a second date through first date conversations that are balanced, humorous and stress-free.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia is an Indian-American Attorney-turned-Entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Matchmaker/Dating Coach. She is the Founder & President of Intersections Match by Jasbina, the only Premier Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm for Indian Singles in the U.S., Canada & the U.K. A finalist in OPRAH’S search for a TV Host, she’s also been featured in the New York Times, San Jose Mercury News, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post & Entrepreneur Magazine. She has also moderated/participated on panels at Harvard Business School, Wharton, Northwestern & Columbia. Jasbina previously practiced law in San Francisco and Chicago. She earned her B.A/M.A. in Philosophy from Vanderbilt University, and JD from the University of Michigan Law School. To learn about Intersections Match by Jasbina please visit – www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Jasbina can be contacted at info@intersectionsmatch.com.

Five Signs You Have No Game

Q.  My cousin hasn’t dated much, and he’s a little awkward with women. Since he’s really a decent guy, I was surprised to find him checking out “pick-up artist” stuff online recently. My girlfriends and I can’t stand getting approached by guys with canned pick up lines. Any ideas on how to deter him?

A. Yes, lots of women find those “pick-up artist” approaches a turn-off. To point him towards a more promising approach with women, let him know that all he really needs is confidence and attentiveness. Consider sharing with him the following five signs to alert guys that course-correction is warranted for greater success with women.

1. Your Jokes Meet Silence

Ever tell a joke and the entire room goes quiet? It’s happened to everyone once or twice, but if it happens a lot, just stop.

2. Too Nervous to Try

So many men see a woman they’d like to talk to and get nervous; they talk themselves out of even trying.

The truth is, some women will reject you. And some won’t and the more women you approach, the more comfortable you’ll be with the process.

3. She Looks Bored

Many women won’t reject you outright because they’re trying to be polite. You can change the game if you pay attention to her body language. If she leans away from you and looks around the room, you know she’s trying to find a way to leave.

Two ways to improve your odds here—start talking to another female (this seems shady, but it works), or have a rehearsed story you know always gets a reaction.

4. Putting Them On A Pedestal

So many men fall into this with attractive women; our entire body language tells them we think they’re exceptionally attractive.

The thing is, most women will overlook a guy who’s already into them in favor of someone they have to “win.”

5. Your Own Body Language

Pay attention to your own body language to make sure you’re sending the right messages. Leaning into the girl too much may come off as desperate. Shoulders back, hands at sides expresses a confident personality.

There will be women who reject you anyway, but that shouldn’t stop you from approaching them.

Jasbina Ahluwalia is an Indian-American Attorney-turned-Entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Matchmaker/Dating Coach. She is the Founder & President of Intersections Match by Jasbina, the only Premier Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm for Indian Singles in the U.S., Canada & the U.K. A finalist in OPRAH’S search for a TV Host, she’s also been featured in the New York Times, San Jose Mercury News, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post & Entrepreneur Magazine. She has also moderated/participated on panels at Harvard Business School, Wharton, Northwestern & Columbia. Jasbina previously practiced law in San Francisco and Chicago. She earned her B.A/M.A. in Philosophy from Vanderbilt University, and JD from the University of Michigan Law School. To learn about Intersections Match by Jasbina please visit – www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Jasbina can be contacted at info@intersectionsmatch.com.