Q. My cousin hasn’t dated much, and he’s a little awkward with women. Since he’s really a decent guy, I was surprised to find him checking out “pick-up artist” stuff online recently. My girlfriends and I can’t stand getting approached by guys with canned pick up lines. Any ideas on how to deter him?
A. Yes, lots of women find those “pick-up artist” approaches a turn-off. To point him towards a more promising approach with women, let him know that all he really needs is confidence and attentiveness. Consider sharing with him the following five signs to alert guys that course-correction is warranted for greater success with women.
1. Your Jokes Meet Silence
Ever tell a joke and the entire room goes quiet? It’s happened to everyone once or twice, but if it happens a lot, just stop.
2. Too Nervous to Try
So many men see a woman they’d like to talk to and get nervous; they talk themselves out of even trying.
The truth is, some women will reject you. And some won’t and the more women you approach, the more comfortable you’ll be with the process.
3. She Looks Bored
Many women won’t reject you outright because they’re trying to be polite. You can change the game if you pay attention to her body language. If she leans away from you and looks around the room, you know she’s trying to find a way to leave.
Two ways to improve your odds here—start talking to another female (this seems shady, but it works), or have a rehearsed story you know always gets a reaction.
4. Putting Them On A Pedestal
So many men fall into this with attractive women; our entire body language tells them we think they’re exceptionally attractive.
The thing is, most women will overlook a guy who’s already into them in favor of someone they have to “win.”
5. Your Own Body Language
Pay attention to your own body language to make sure you’re sending the right messages. Leaning into the girl too much may come off as desperate. Shoulders back, hands at sides expresses a confident personality.
There will be women who reject you anyway, but that shouldn’t stop you from approaching them.
Jasbina Ahluwalia is an Indian-American Attorney-turned-Entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Matchmaker/Dating Coach. She is the Founder & President of Intersections Match by Jasbina, the only Premier Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm for Indian Singles in the U.S., Canada & the U.K. A finalist in OPRAH’S search for a TV Host, she’s also been featured in the New York Times, San Jose Mercury News, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post & Entrepreneur Magazine. She has also moderated/participated on panels at Harvard Business School, Wharton, Northwestern & Columbia. Jasbina previously practiced law in San Francisco and Chicago. She earned her B.A/M.A. in Philosophy from Vanderbilt University, and JD from the University of Michigan Law School. To learn about Intersections Match by Jasbina please visit – www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Jasbina can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.