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Q I’m fortunate to have a great family, good friends, and a successful career. I feel like I’m in a good place, except that I’m missing a partner with whom I can share my life. While my parents would like me to be proactive in searching for a mate, I hear from others that I’ll eventually meet my special someone. What do you think?
A If you felt something missing in any other arena of your life, would you just sit back and wait for it to happen, or be proactive? Is your love life any less worthy of your time and energy?
As a first step, look internally before looking externally. Identify your must-haves and deal-breakers.
Differentiate between essential needs on the one hand, and non-essential wants/preferences on the other.
Critically evaluate the underlying basis of each need: past relationships or experiences, values, priorities, others’ expectations, and/or stereotypes? Given each need likely narrows your pool of potentials, make sure each need is truly essential (so you do not risk missing out on potential partners with whom you could very well be happy). Do the same for your deal-breakers. While this self-evaluative process may seem involved, it will likely save you time, energy, and heartbreak, in the future.
Then it’s time to look externally. Have you told everyone in your life that you’d be happy to meet any good eligible singles? Apart from one-on-one introductions, having a party with friends where all the guests show up with a platonic friend/ex is a great way to expand your universe of potentials.
Are you going to singles events, or participating in activities that are likely to have singles in attendance?
Are you dating online? Is your online search effective or half-hearted? If you are posting a photo, is it an accurate representation of the best version of yourself? Is your profile thoughtful and inviting? Are you meeting potentials in-person instead of getting caught up in endless email/phone/text communications?
Are you making snap judgments on first dates, or truly allowing yourself to get to know your date with an open-minded mindset?
Have you considered hiring a matchmaker/dating coach if your time is limited and you’d like to be as strategic as possible?
As in all other areas of life, endeavor to align your actions and efforts with your values and goals. If you truly place a high value on your love life, take action accordingly.
Jasbina Ahluwalia is the founder of Intersections Matchmaking, the first national, personalized, matchmaking firm for singles of South Asian descent. For more information, visit www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Jasbina may be contacted directly at Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.