Resuscitating Your Dating Life

Q I’m not getting any younger (as my concerned parents remind me constantly), and one of my many New Year’s resolutions last month was to somehow incorporate dating  into my already jam-packed life. This resolution has somehow fallen by the wayside already and it’s only February. I wonder if you have any suggestions to resuscitate it.

A Congratulations on trying to resuscitate your New Year’s resolutions! Creating a dating life that works for you is meaningful and fulfilling as it involves living an authentic life aligned with your (not those of your parents) goals and priorities.

Ask yourself the following two questions to determine the best ways to search for Mr. Right:a) What are my goals and priorities at this time of my life?

Write them down. A research study from Dominican University of California has shown that those who actually write their goals down on paper are significantly more likely to achieve them than are those who merely mentally note them.

Make sure these goals guide your decision-making as to how to allocate your finite resources—time, energy, and money. If finding a relationship is near the top of your list, then make sure both your calendar and budget reflect that.

b) Besides finding a relationship, what else is at the top of the list?

Combine as many of your other top life goals and priorities as possible with your search for Mr. Right:

• Is another top priority spending time with your girlfriends? When you and your single girlfriends are deciding what to do together, how about planning a private singles party where each guest will bring a member of the opposite sex as opposed to planning a movie night at home with the girls?

• If fitness is near the top of your list, choose a coed team sport or spend time in your gym’s weight room instead of working out to a Pilates DVD at home.

• If giving back is near the top of your list, spend time with a coed volunteer group, as opposed to just writing a check.

• If plowing through that reading list you’ve been creating for the last few years is on your list, read in a public place, perhaps a bookstore or café where you can look up and make eye contact with others who you may come across, instead of in your bed or on your couch at home.

Enjoy the dating life you have created!

Jasbina Ahluwalia is a former attorney and the founder of Intersections Match, the only national, personalized, matchmaking firm for singles of South Asian descent. [email protected].

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