Q I am a 37-year-old Indian woman who’s still single (needless to say, my parents are not happy with this situation). I would very much like to find a partner. I’m wondering why it seems so incredibly hard to find someone these days. While many of my friends are now married, I do have several friends in the same boat. Any suggestions?
A Let me reassure you—you and your unmarried friends are, most definitely, not the only ones finding yourselves in this situation.
Unfortunately, there is, in fact, a disparity in the numbers of single men and women in your age group in the country at this time. According to the 2010 census, there are around 32 million single women in the United States who are 35 and over; whereas, there are only around 22 million single men in the same age category. This disparity in men’s favor is further compounded by the tendency of some men to prefer marrying younger women.
While this disparity is not within your control, it’s empowering to realize that both your mindset and level of flexibility are.
I’d like to share three common pitfalls, regarding mindset and flexibility, to avoid.
• Do you happen to have a mile-long checklist of expectations with respect to your prospective partner?
• Do you have a tendency to rule guys out rather than in?
• Are you beginning to believe that there are just no good men left?
We experience life through our beliefs. What we believe affects what we experience. Our subconscious mind doesn’t like inconsistencies between our beliefs and our reality, so it will actively seek out confirmatory evidence to affirm the beliefs we hold.
So, for example, if one of your beliefs is that there are just no good men left, your subconscious will get to work finding flaws in the men you meet to prove you right.
This belief then ends up limiting your chances of finding a good man.
That is why it can be so incredibly empowering to get out of your own way. How? One of the best ways to do so is to invest concerted efforts into first identifying and then eliminating any limiting beliefs.
Empowered women are attractive to men, regardless of age, and it’s never too late to find love.
Jasbina is the founder and president of Intersections Match, the only personalized matchmaking and dating coaching firm serving singles of South Asian descent in the United States. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly lifestyle show featuring conversations with published authors/experts on relationships, health and wellness.www.IntersectionsMatch.com.[email protected]