Marriages Are Made In Heaven But Weddings Happen On Earth
“Preparing for a major life event requires focus and stamina. Here’s how I prepared for my daughter’s wedding”, writes IC columnist Ranjani Rao.
What You Do Everyday Matters
Some years slip away quietly while others are forever associated with a momentous occurrence. Take 2020 for instance. The collective global memory of that year is connected with COVID-19, the pandemic that affected us all.
For all of us, each year may hold a different level of significance based on what transpired, typically a single special event like graduation, a new job, or moving to a new country.
2024 was a very special year for me. It will be forever etched in memory as the year of our daughter’s wedding.
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Marriages may be made in heaven but weddings happen on earth
Our daughter got married in India two weeks ago. As we unwind in Singapore from the hectic weeks and months preceding the event – a project whose planning took over much of 2024 – I wonder how I made it through.
Weddings are not easy to organize. As parents of the bride, we had to first figure out what the engaged couple wanted, then harmonize the wishes of the two families on everything ranging from choice of location (India, US, Singapore, other destination), venue (resort, hotel, hall), type (religious, fun), scale (modest, grand), and of course, the date(s).
Given the disparate locations of the three main parties involved in the planning, three time zones, and the ever-expanding menu of options, there was meeting fatigue, decision fatigue, and of course, financial fatigue. And as the wedding date approached, the number of things, both planned and unplanned that needed my attention grew exponentially and demanded that I function at a level of alertness and efficiency that was hitherto unparalleled.
Preparing for the big day
Elite athletes prepare for their tournaments all year. It’s a known fact that the small sliver of action that the world sees on one particular day – the stellar performance, the fantastic win, the prizes, the adoration, is not what the athletes’ real life looks like.
Do you remember the ad for Under Armour that featured Micheal Phelps with the memorable tagline, “It’s what you do in the dark that puts you in the light” with the hashtag #ruleyourself?
It showcases a typical day in the life of the swimming legend – he wakes up, swims, goes to the gym, eats, sleeps, and swims again. Quite boring, But predictable. Consistent. Committed. It’s the everyday activities that allow Phelps to bring his strongest performance to every race.
What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while
As a child who diligently went to school, did her homework, and got good grades, I believed in the work I put in regularly to do well on exam day. To be honest, I enjoyed those small steps, the discrete chunks of time spent on a task without the pressure to excel. Yet, I knew many who pulled in all-nighters in college, worked hard only as deadlines approached, and still managed to cross the finish line. It was not something I could do.
Perhaps I am a planner, or a plodder, the proverbial ant in the classic fable of the ant and the grasshopper. I prefer to devote time regularly to things that are important to me, whether that involves reading, writing, exercise or even trying my hand at a new hobby. There has never been a time when I became an overnight expert at a particular skill – cooking, driving, crocheting (of late). All measurable progress has come as a result of regular, if not daily, devotion to a cause.
At the beginning of this year, when I looked forward to the big project of my daughter’s wedding which had to be arranged long distance, I was intimidated. Not just the fact that it was my first time organizing something of this scale but at the complexity of the task, the number of moving parts, the known and unknown variables involved, and the role of sheer luck that would be needed to pull everything together smoothly.
Back to basics
As a scientist, one of the basic tenets of problem-solving that is ingrained in me is the tendency to go back to first principles. While contexts and situations may change, the basic rules of physics and chemistry do not change. A strong foundation makes a strong structure that can withstand harsh conditions and unexpected stress.
My goal was to first stabilize and ground myself so that I would have the physical, mental, and emotional resources to manage the mammoth project.
And that took me back to my yoga mat. As a long-time yoga practitioner, I know that the time I spend on the mat is the best investment I can make in my physical health and overall well-being. As life gets busy, we tend to make excuses and let daily practices slide. But I did the opposite, I tried to shore it up. If I couldn’t spare an hour, I aimed for fifteen minutes of gentle stretches to acknowledge my body.
When my mind got overwhelmed with unending to-do lists and tasks, I left everything behind, including my phone, and went for a walk. Sometimes I took off my shoes and walked barefoot on the grass. I hugged a tree or simply stood under a green canopy. And soon I feel lighter. My brain waves seemed calmer, my vision clearer, my breath deeper. Leaning into nature never fails to rejuvenate me.
Learning to chant shlokas after lighting a lamp has been a spiritual practice that I learned from my parents and have incorporated into my life. I find solace in the simple act of soaking a cotton wick in oil and lighting it each morning and evening. As I prepared for the demanding days ahead, I spent more time reading shlokas, either aloud at home or silently while commuting to work.
Sometimes I chose silence to revive myself. At other times, I turned to friends – to vent, to laugh, to distract myself. What I found unexpectedly difficult was to immerse myself in heavy books or long-running shows, preferring instead to consume undemanding short-form content.
Writing felt incredibly hard but surprisingly, the best outlet for my creative energy was to use my hands to crochet a wide variety of items that I gifted to several delighted recipients.
The year ends on a lighter note for me as I look back at the successful completion of a mega project. But true satisfaction comes from the small steps taken to plan and prepare myself for the event as well.
I look forward to a less demanding 2025 where I can get back to my boring, predictable life, and wish you a wonderful new year.
