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You like your job, finances are good, the social life’s pretty fun—now you’re looking to meet that special lady. Maybe you’ve already had a bad experience, or you are looking for tips before you dive into the dating pool. Either way, try to avoid these five common mistakes.

1. Too Aggressive
While being confident is one thing, being pushy is quite another. Don’t go all “alpha” on her right out of the gate. Begin your interactions in a polite and respectful manner. Be a gentleman. Humor is always good (tasteful and non-political, preferably). Read her reactions and gauge how you should proceed.

2. Not Aggressive Enough
OK, I’m not trying to mess with you by contradicting the first item on this list. Rather, it’s helpful to realize that there’s an ideal middle ground when approaching women, and being too tentative can be just as fatal to your chances as overdoing it. Do you really want to get to know her? Then show it!

3. Not Being Yourself
It’s been said that “success leaves clues,” and there is value in observing guys who seem comfortable with women.  That said, avoid falling into the trap of “playing a role” when meeting someone new, whether it’s your initial approach or your first few dates. What’s the point of that? You’ll have to show her your true self eventually–you can’t hide “you” forever! And if you feel you have to, that’s a deeper issue. Best to be your true self right out of the gate.

4. Trying Too Hard
Yes, there is such a thing. If you aren’t getting a response after making a solid effort and putting your best foot forward, it’s time to politely move on. If you’re getting a cold vibe, give her some space and go back to hanging out with your buddies.

5. Not Being In the Moment
If you’re too much “up in your head,” plotting, scheming and gauging how you might get her to like you, you’re missing the moment. The present moment is all we ever have, and it’s your best chance to connect with her on an authentic level.

Meeting that special someone is possible for you. Use these five tips to avoid getting shot down, and you’ll be well on your way to finding her.

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