Q Given what I do for a living I come across as a powerful woman, often criticized by the men I date as “too controlling.” Is there a way to maintain the integrity of my personality without being perceived as too controlling?
A Let me assure you that you are not alone. As a matchmaker and dating coach to powerful men and women, I come across this issue frequently.
As a powerful woman, how do you feel when others try to control you? Once you put yourself in a guy’s shoes, it’s easy to appreciate that women who act controlling tend to repel men.
Self-empowered women, on the other hand, magnetize men. Your integrity lies in being a self-empowered woman more so than a woman who exerts control over others, including men.
So how do self-empowered women act?
• They tend to be comfortable in their own skin, making those around them comfortable as well.
• Empowered women tend to have a strong sense of self, allowing them to be accepting of themselves and others.
I’ll leave you with one final thought: Self-empowered women realize that their true power lies in their ability to control their own thoughts and actions, leaving little need to control others.
Q In the past when I’ve been involved in a relationship, I feel like I’ve lost my identity in the process. These days I’m very careful to not seem needy, but I’m worried that I’ve got a wall up. Can you help?
A It sounds like your behavior may be originating from a fear of rejection. Consider shifting your focus to strengthening your sense of self-worth.
A strong sense of self allows you to risk emotional vulnerability without risking your self-worth.
You sound like an introspective person. This quality will serve you well in finding and maintaining a great relationship. Why not make a list of all your other great qualities? This may help build up your sense of self.
Building intimacy in a relationship involves emotional vulnerability. There’s just no way to get around it. You can safely allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable once you believe that you are strong enough to handle any outcomes.
Your power lies within you.
Jasbina is the founder and president of Intersections Match, the only personalized matchmaking and dating coaching firm serving singles of South Asian descent in the United States. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly lifestyle show. www.IntersectionsMatch.com.[email protected]