My previous column dwelt on the “Intimidation factor,” the barrier to dating faced by intelligent and successful women. I had suggested a mindset shift encouraging accomplished female readers to confidently consider their educational and professional accomplishments as assets in their dating efforts. Statistics support such a shift; 71% of high-achieving men actually said a woman’s educational or career success makes her more desirable as a wife. This month we look at some dating tips for the alpha woman.
Successful women who become anxious about their appeal may give off negative or desperate vibes, and that attitude, rather than their success, may be what is actually repelling men. Given that our attitudes are under our control, we can do something about them.
Below are some concrete things successful women can do which convey an attitude likely to be well-received by men:
• Let men know what you do in a confident and grateful rather than arrogant manner. For example, if you surmounted odds to advance in your chosen career, confidently express how you feel blessed to have had the opportunities and support, as opposed to focusing on how your achievements reflect how great/smart you are.
• Consider conveying how your choice of work shows something about you as a person.
• Address the work question in a lighthearted and engaging manner. When asked what you do, consider playfully suggesting he guess, and give him a few clues.
• Transition into discussions about non-work-related topics and interests. As a successful woman, you’re probably quite comfortable talking about your work. Try not to fall into the trap of one-dimensionally focusing on what you do. Show him who or what else you value in your life.
• Ask men about their passions and interests. Actively showing interest in another person generally tends to make you more interesting to that person.
• Actively listen and show interest in the guy’s responses. Active listening gives you the opportunity to learn about him—after all, isn’t that the reason you’re spending your valuable time with him?
• Make time in your busy life for the gentlemen in your life so they know they will be a priority and will not always take a back seat to your career.
Finally, keep in mind that certain demeanors or traits (like being non-conciliatory and hard-driving), that may lead to success in certain professional settings (in particular, traditionally male-dominated fields), may hinder success in personal relationships.
Jasbina is the founder and president of Intersections Match, the only personalized matchmaking and dating coaching firm serving singles of South Asian descent in the United States. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly lifestyle show featuring conversations with published authors/experts on relationships, health and wellness. www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Jasbina@intersectionsmatch.com