Q I’m ready to put some real effort into my search for a partner, and I’ve decided to try online dating. I’m uncomfortable putting my picture up online but have been told that not doing so is a mistake. What do you think?
A One of my suggestions to commitment-minded men and women ready to prioritize meeting a partner is to be as proactive as possible in the relationship arena of their lives by aligning their actions with their goals. In my opinion, online dating is a great avenue to meet people if you’re willing to put the time and effort into doing so effectively.
Since a significant number of men and women will entirely disregard online profiles posted without pictures, one limits oneself substantially by choosing not to post a picture online.
When I’m working with our dating coaching clients on their online profiles and communications, one of the first things I do is to ensure that the picture(s) the client posts online is (are) a recent and accurate representation of the best version of their authentic self. Selecting the right pictures warrants due consideration: while you certainly want to put your best foot forward and make a great first impression with your online pictures, in doing so, you do not want to sabotage your first in-person encounters by setting the bar unrealistically high.
What makes you uncomfortable about the idea of posting a picture online?
Some of our matchmaking clients are too high-profile in their industries to be comfortable posting pictures of themselves online. While I can certainly appreciate that (and that is one of the reasons for our customized services), such a situation precludes those clients from being ideal candidates for online dating.
If there is anything about you physically which makes you less than confident (your hairstyle, crooked and/or stained teeth, those couple of extra pounds etc.), consider taking care of it before going online so you can put your most confident self forward. While it is important that the motivation to make changes to your physical self be internally-motivated, such changes can prove to be personally empowering.
Assuming you are comfortable with your physical presence, what else may be holding you back?
Perhaps, just as in other aspects of dating, you need to push the boundaries of your comfort zone.
Jasbina Ahluwalia is a former attorney and the founder of Intersections Match, the only national, personalized, matchmaking firm for singles of South Asian descent. www.IntersectionsMatch.com. [email protected]