Together and InDependent
If you find yourself at Suju’s Coffee & Tea at Fremont and notice a large group of Indian women chatting up a storm, look again. That could be a weekly meeting organized by local Nivedhita Venkatesh for members of her recently founded community support group called “InDependent.”
“It’s a sanctuary for women —and men— on dependent visas, like H4, F2, L2,” said 28-year-old Venkatesh, who was driven to take this enterprising step after experiencing first-hand the emotional trenches of living on one such visa category in the Land of Dreams.
The torment of dependence
About a year ago, she moved from Bangalore to Fremont to join her husband, a manufacturing engineer at a semiconductor company. “I know how stressful it can get,” she said. “When I came here, I found a harrowing loneliness around me. I couldn’t reach out to people, I felt very confused.”
Like a lot of women do, Venkatesh too left a “cushy” job in PR and communications in India to be with her partner. “I felt very displaced,” she admitted. “Leaving a good career back home and coming here can be pretty tormenting.”
The worst part is facing the fear that one may not get a job here that levels up to the career left behind in India. And all the chatter she heard about having to work menial jobs at department stores and eateries unless she went through the grind of earning an American degree didn’t help matters. “People say all kinds of things; it’s scary,” she said.
The fear is not unfounded and the trauma that it triggers is real. Dealing with these circumstances without the support of family and friends makes it doubly hard. “Many people give up because of lack of support,” said Venkatesh.
InDependent: “It’s a safe place”
Which is precisely why she decided to start InDependent. “We don’t want anyone else to suffer,” she said. The group has over 30 members, all with different backgrounds and interests. Many are mothers. Many are waiting for their work permits to arrive, a process that can take years. Some have work permits but need a nudge in the right direction.
“There’s a lot of loneliness,” Venkatesh said, empathizing with women who move to America with hope in their hearts but arrive to find a different fate. “Some of them slip into depression,” she said. “A lot of them drop out of the path of working or studying because they plan families. They become mothers and give up on their dreams… it’s quite sad to see.”
Venkatesh, too, is awaiting her EAD, or an ‘Employment Authorization Document,’ that people on dependent visas can use to find work.
While a lot of the discussions in her support group revolve around preparing to get back on the job market, college admissions, or up-skilling, not everyone in this group is looking to get back to work or academics. At its core, it’s a group that helps members get their confidence back. “It’s a safe place,” said Venkatesh. “It’s about being mentally alright. It’s about character and personality development as well.”
‘You are not alone’
There are many visa-related support groups on Facebook. How does this one differentiate itself? “I don’t see a ‘community feeling’ in those groups; they’re more of a notice board,” she said. InDependent is about giving people a sense of hope. “It’s about telling people — ‘you’re not the only one’,” she said.
Once a week, the group volunteers at Stivers Lagoon, which is part of the Parks and Recreation Project at Fremont. “We water the plants, help with maintenance of the lagoon area,” Venkatesh said. How does community service help serve the group’s goal? “It’s a good icebreaker when new members join,” she said. “It helps them bond and get to know one another better. Also, putting words like “habitat steward” on one’s profile doesn’t hurt.
Besides, just meeting and talking can become counter-productive, if all they do is wallow in self-pity. “That’s not productive,” she said. “So this is to get our minds off everything that’s happening in our lives and focus on doing an activity instead.” Next, they plan to extend their helping hand to the Sabercat Habitat in Fremont. “We’re trying to collaborate with more nonprofits,” Venkatesh said.
A one-stop-shop for dependent visa holders
Venkatesh has ambitious plans for InDependent. She envisions registering the group as a nonprofit. She wants to make it a group that provides all relevant resources to its members — psychological, educational, work-related, as well as legal services. “I know there are a million resources out there but it’s not in one place,” she said.
“I want to make an app for it,” she said, hoping to expand beyond the Bay Area.
She also wants her group to appeal to men on dependent visas. “I have heard of men on dependent visas. They’re shy to come out and speak about their struggles,” she said.
Currently, the group comprises women from India, but she hopes to include people who move to the U.S. from other parts of the world too.