Q .My brother just found out that his girlfriend has been cheating on him. In some ways, I’m not surprised, as she didn’t strike me as trustworthy. He’s enraged, and wants to confront her. Any suggestions?
A. I’m so sorry to hear that. Your brother may be enraged right now, and it can be helpful for him to take some time to process what’s happened and plan his confrontation. Three tips for him:
Be Mindful of Location
Be careful about where you decide to meet—and don’t give any hints that you know she cheated, as that may deter her from showing up.
Generally, it’s best to avoid meeting in busier public places, as there’s a chance there will be some yelling, crying, or other high-flying emotions.
At the same time, meeting at your place or hers may also be a poor decision. It’s usually best to meet in a neutral location where there aren’t many people present.
Have a Game Plan
Make sure you’ve got a detailed game plan for your confrontation.
Specific aspects of your game plan include:
• The consequences of her infidelity (will you break up?)
• The evidence you have that she cheated
• How you think she’ll react (will she deny it or admit it?)
While you can’t expect everything to go exactly as you planned, you should stick to your ideal game plan for the confrontation, especially what you decided in terms of the consequences. If you’re going to break up with her, make that clear and don’t let her persuade you otherwise. Don’t fall for promises like “it’ll never happen again” because people who cheat once tend to cheat multiple times. Why subject yourself to any more pain and betrayal?
DON’T Accept Excuses
A lot of times, women who have cheated will try to turn the tables on the men they cheated on in an effort to make themselves feel less guilty or to justify their actions. For example, in response to your accusations of her cheating, she might try to say something along the lines of “Well, you never pay any attention to me!”
At the end of the day, however, there’s no justifiable excuse for cheating, so don’t subject yourself to any of that. Get up and walk away if you have to, but don’t take those excuses seriously for a second.
Finding out your girl is cheating on you can be devastating, but it’s better to find out now than later on down the road. After all, a woman who would cheat on you most likely isn’t worth your time, love, or continued affection.
Keeping these tips in mind can help to make the process go a little more smoothly. Stop wasting your time on a dishonest person, move on with your life, and make more time for the things that make you happy.
Jasbina is the founder and president of Intersections Match, the only personalized matchmaking and dating coaching firm serving singles of South Asian descent in the United States. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio. Jasbina@intersectionsmatch.com.