Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

What is self-care? 

According to the World Health Organization, “Self-care is the ability of individuals, families, and communities to promote and maintain health, prevent disease, and cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a health worker.”

Go beyond pampering

That’s the official definition for you, but a large majority of people believe self-care is “treating yourself.” They fall into this trap because modern culture often equates self-care with self-indulgence and consumerism. Mainstream ideas of self-care frequently boil down to pampering or indulgence, such as buying candles, bath bombs, comfort purchases, luxurious spa treatments, opulent meals, or expensive experiences. 

A daily practice

There’s nothing inherently wrong with treating oneself if these treats bring you joy and relaxation in a balanced way. While they can be pleasant and sometimes helpful for short-term stress relief, self-care in its deeper sense is about daily practices that nurture your overall well-being—physically, mentally, and emotionally. The problem arises when treating yourself becomes an endless loop of purchases that don’t truly help with emotional regulation, long-term stress management, or better physical health. 

Also, in the current economic situation, self-care rituals focused on consumerism may not be sustainable in the long term.

The difference between self-soothing and self-care

  • Self-soothing: These are immediate actions that help you reduce stress or temporarily “escape” negative feelings—like watching a feel-good show, buying yourself a treat, scrolling through social media, or taking a hot bath. They can help you relax in the moment, but they may not address the underlying issues causing you stress or imbalance.
  • Self-care: In contrast, true self-care is often less about momentary comfort and more about consistent, nourishing actions that require discipline and planning—going to therapy, setting healthy boundaries at work, getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, eating in ways that support your health, and building supportive relationships. These routines and habits may not feel “fun” in the short run, but they’re far more transformative over time.

Sometimes we need self-soothing because we’re in a period of high stress; it can keep us afloat in the short term. But if we stop at self-soothing alone, we’re not addressing deeper needs.

A more sustainable mindset

  • Ask yourself: “What am I hoping this purchase or experience will give me—relaxation, fulfillment, a sense of calm, connection to others, a break from stress?”
  • Then see if there are more direct, less costly, and more sustainable ways to meet that need—like calling a friend for support, journaling, meditating, getting in some movement, or doing a creative hobby.

Setting boundaries as self-care

One of the most overlooked forms of self-care is learning to set—and keep—healthy boundaries. This might mean:

  • Saying “no” to commitments that are beyond your bandwidth.
  • Switching off work email outside of office hours to protect your personal time.
  • Asking for help or delegating tasks at home or work.
  • Pursuing a hobby and not allowing work to become your identity.
  • Recognizing when your relationships are draining rather than supportive, and taking steps to address that, is important.
  • Knowing that you don’t owe anyone access to your grief.

Boundaries can feel uncomfortable to establish because they sometimes lead to conflict or disappointment (from yourself or others). Yet, over the long term, they protect your energy and your mental well-being far more effectively than an occasional spa day.

‘Cancelling’ culture may be ruining your well-being

You have heard about cancel-culture—the phenomenon or practice of publicly rejecting, boycotting, or ending support for particular people or groups because of their socially or morally unacceptable views or actions. But I am talking about ‘cancelling’ culture. 

You are about to head out to meet a friend or family for dinner, or you might have been busy all day cooking their favorite dishes for a dinner party at home, and you get a message. “So sorry to do this last minute, but I can’t make it tonight.” Fill in the blank with the excuse: I need a night in! Or I need to take a mental health evening. Or I need to prioritize myself today!

Sometimes, we do need a quiet evening alone. I get it. Life is more demanding than ever, and people keep long work hours. Those with social anxiety might struggle with the idea of meeting others. But for most people, I’d say let’s not confuse rude behavior with self-care. The culture of cancelling engagements last-minute is eating away at relationships. Where and how will you connect with others emotionally? Share stories? Hold space? Build trust? When did we start to believe that we’ll feel a certain level of perfection one day and be ready to meet the world? That’s a myth.

Often, our concept of “self-care” is focused on the self as an individual, but humans are social creatures. We need supportive connections. Isolation, or trying to be entirely self-sufficient, can make stress and burnout worse. Consider:

  • Building a network of friends who listen without judgment,
  • Participating in group activities, clubs, or volunteer work,
  • Reaching out to community resources if you need help with childcare, job training, or mental health support.

Having people you can turn to in moments of difficulty is one of the strongest buffers against stress and mental health issues. Loneliness has become an epidemic in America. Yes, we all need solo downtime, but self-care doesn’t need to translate as isolation. Community and connection are integral to our wellness. Self-care means figuring out a system that nourishes your mental, emotional, physical, and financial well-being.

Focus on sustainable routines 

Real self-care can look surprisingly mundane—like going to bed on time, planning healthy meals, scheduling workouts, making meaningful connections with friends and family, or keeping regular appointments. These are the practices that often don’t feel “fun” but give you the energy and resilience you need to show up for your life. Sleep, nutrition, exercise, mindfulness, and boundary-setting might not look glamorous, but they’re the building blocks of long-term well-being.

Emotional self-care and inner work

Sometimes we focus on external self-care habits (like going to the gym) but avoid more challenging internal work. Consider some of these:

  • Emotional literacy: Identifying and understanding your emotions as they arise, rather than pushing them away.
  • Self-compassion: Treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you fall short of your own expectations.
  • Healing past trauma: This can include therapy, support groups, or other healing modalities. Unresolved trauma often shows up in everyday life as stress, anxiety, and conflict in relationships.

This deeper emotional work requires courage and sometimes professional support, but it can transform your sense of self-worth and well-being in ways that superficial self-care alone cannot.

Redefine success in self-care

Ask yourself: “How do I know if my self-care approach is working?” If you only feel relief for a few minutes or a few hours before returning to a state of overwhelm or anxiety, you might need to dig deeper.

  • Holistic well-being: True success in self-care shows up as steady improvement in your mental health, consistent energy throughout the day, the ability to handle stress better, and healthier relationships.
  • Self-awareness and personal growth: You start noticing patterns in your behavior, understanding triggers, and feeling more intentional about your choices.

Ultimately, if your current self-care routine isn’t offering lasting benefits, it’s worth redefining self-care for yourself. Self-care isn’t just a checklist of comforting activities; it’s an intentional, sometimes challenging, but deeply rewarding commitment to your own well-being.