When Sumiti Mehta arrived in the US in 2006, she came with plenty of experience as a working professional but no idea how to cook, maintain a household, or take care of her one-year-old son. Years later she and her husband are raising two boys in Sacramento, and teaching them about the important things in life while introducing them to Indian culture.
We Belong is a visual series highlighting different experiences of South Asian and Indian identity. This series was produced by India Currents in collaboration with CatchLight as part of the CatchLight Local CA Visual Desk. Photographs and interviews by CatchLight Fellow Sree Sripathy.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
How did you relate to Indian culture in India?
I was kind of rebellious when it came to the staunch beliefs that the people have with the religion. There are so many rituals that everybody follows. My parents are different, my in-laws are different. My husband and I were on a different spectrum. That’s why we made a conscious effort when we got married that our kids would know what Indian culture is, but not religiously do things.
What were the differences between your husband’s family and your own?
When I got married, it was still a taboo to have a woman in the kitchen when they were menstruating. It was irritating and frustrating to me that I couldn’t get an answer as to why this is. If you’re a single woman, how are you going to work? How are you going to go to the kitchen and not get a glass of water for yourself?
When did you arrive in the US?
My parents immigrated in 1999. However, I was not able to immigrate with them because of visa constraints. So I stayed back and then got married in 2004. My husband is from Bombay. One year into our marriage, he got an opportunity to go to Arizona to work with American Express. That is when we moved, in 2006. My first child was born in Mumbai. He was not even a year old, and I took him on his first international flight. We stayed for three and a half years in Scottsdale, Arizona and then we moved to California which is now home to us.
When you came to the US, you were a new mom. Can you talk about that?
I was working full-time in India because my child was with my in-laws. We were in a joint family. I grew up in a house where my mom was working full time. She was the first graduate from one of the top colleges in India, Lady Shri Ram College. She was like, “You need to study, you need to focus on your career and kitchen work and everything will come later.” I had no idea how to cook. I had no idea how to take care of the house, the bedroom, the closet or anything. It was a cultural shock when I got married. In Bombay, the housing is so different from New Delhi, where you have your own land where you build houses. In Bombay, there were apartments. My father-in-law was in the Indian Navy, so we used to have an apartment from the Navy.
I wrote my first blog about this. How do I measure my success now? When I was working full time I would have goals and appraisals, salary hikes, and bonuses which will decide if you’re doing great. What do you do when you’re a stay-at-home mom? You’re just sitting at home and doing nothing. I mean, doing nothing means you take care of the baby, which I had never done. I don’t know how my mother-in-law used to do it. It was too much work for me just to handle that one-year-old baby.
So it was very difficult until I started working part-time. I would be awake in the night, chatting with friends in India, chatting with the customers in India. And then I’d get up in the morning at like 11 or 12 and then sleep so late. The first two years were very, very hard.
And being an Indian, you can’t even have groceries from one store. You have to go to the American store for a couple of things, you have to go to the Indian store for a couple of things to be able to cook.
How do you incorporate Indian traditions at home in the US?
I would not say we have a lot of Indian friends. Sacramento is one of the most diverse cities in the United States, so we are friends with many people, but we have very close common family friends who are Indians. The kids are aware of the language. We made sure that both of the boys spoke Hindi. My eldest can speak the native dialect Himachali as well. They’re able to understand Punjabi because I’m from a Punjabi family.
The one thing they think is very Indian is that we get up in the morning and the very first thing we do is make chai.
We are not religious, my husband and I. We were very conscious of taking this step, not dictating any religion to them. But they do believe in God. We do have a temple because my in-laws and my parents come and they have their ritual. My kids have this thing where if they’re going for an exam or if they have some special event, they’ll go and pray in front of the temple that we have in the house. So, they know that this is how Indians are.
We do the puja every Diwali. They have seen me doing Karva Chauth. They make sure that they touch the feet [of grandparents]. These are little things, plus, of course, Indian food, all the kids relate to it.
You mentioned that you’re from Punjab.
I’m from Delhi, but my grandparents and everybody is from Punjab. They were basically from Lahore. My grandpa used to serve in the British army. So he was [posted] in all the places, Shimla, Amritsar, Jalandhar. Ultimately, we all settled in Delhi [after partition].
[I am] Punjabi Hindu. But because we had so many Sikhs in Delhi, we would go to the gurdwaras every day. In the summer, I used to go to the gurdwaras in the morning to learn Punjabi. And then on Wednesday evenings during summer break, I used to go and sing shabad while I was learning harmonium.
Do you maintain a connection to Indian culture daily?
I would not say daily. We do cook Indian food at least 5 days a week for sure. We do connect to that. I’ve always done some prayers on Wednesday to Lord Ganesh. I would have incense in front of the temple. On Monday, I would leave water in front of the sun.
Do you all drink chai in the morning?
The boys only drink chai if they have a cold. The boys are at an age where they can make it for us, in the afternoons when my husband and I are busy. My oldest son will make chai for us every weekend. My youngest one, he’s the one who likes to drink chai.
What do you hope that they will take with them culturally as they grow older as you’ve raised them not religiously but still aware of certain norms?
I don’t know how they will connect. But I would want them to have that bond with the parents where I don’t want them to be only coming during Thanksgiving. I want them to be able to call me or give a surprise visit on Diwali, or have that bond of brothers forever, which I know all families would want.
I think my boys will be in a better position where they can adjust to any culture because they have been exposed to so many. So who knows? They might not end up with Indian girls, or even boys, right? So whoever they are with, they will be able to gel well or they will be able to be with them. I’m so happy that we did it the way we did, not just sticking to only one culture, but accepting of so many other cultures.
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This series was produced by India Currents in collaboration with CatchLight as part of the CatchLight Local CA Visual Desk. Contributors include Vandana Kumar, Meera Kymal, Mabel Jiménez, and Jenny Jacklin-Stratton. Learn more about CatchLight Local’s collaborative model for local visual journalism at https://www.catchlight.io/local
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