A hidden epidemic
Men’s mental health is the least talked about epidemic in the US and across the world. While one can find hundreds of magazines and articles on men’s nutrition and physical development, tips and tools for mental well-being are scarce.
Men die by suicide four times more than women
The unfortunate reality is that men’s health and well-being in the United States have reached a critical point. Studies found that U.S. men reported slightly lower rates of anxiety than women but had higher rates of depressive symptoms and suicidal ideation than their female counterparts. Men in the United States die by suicide at a rate four times higher than women. And yet, men are diagnosed with depression and mood disorders at far lower rates. Why is this?
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Traditional gender roles are barriers to seeking help
Traditional gender roles that emphasize toughness and emotional suppression become barriers for men seeking mental health help. Indian culture, through its scriptures and stories of gods and mythological figures, often celebrates patriarchy. Men are portrayed as strong and stoic providers and protectors of their families.
Our novels and movies also show men fighting to save women, reinforcing the idea that thinking is “hard” and “masculine,” while feeling is “soft” and “feminine.”
All of us think and feel but unfortunately, society has created an expectation that feeling is for women and gay boys, that somehow, straight men are not allowed to feel, they can only think. Showing stoicism is applauded over showing vulnerabilities.
“Be a man!”
When a boy or a man cries, they often hear “Why are you crying like a girl?” or “Be a man!” Society values strength and independence over interdependence. But why can’t men be both?
Many in society focus on suppressing emotions instead of feeling them, placing an unfair burden on men. The ‘tech bro’ culture of Silicon Valley adds another layer of peer pressure to hide stress and vulnerability in men.
Over the past decade, these attitudes have been changing, encouraging men to prioritize their mental well-being. Access to digital platforms has been on the rise, more so after COVID-19, and those are helping men access mental health support when needed.
Bell Hook, in her book ‘The Will to Change’, says that “Men want and need love, but the patriarchal culture can prevent them from knowing themselves and being in touch with their feelings, which causes them to have difficulty loving…”
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has shown the power of balancing strength with emotional transparency, often sharing stories of his personal hardships and how he overcame them. These examples show that emotional expression doesn’t take away from a man’s masculinity—it can actually enhance it.
Movements like #HeForShe, which encourage men to support gender equality and embrace empathy, are also helping to reshape societal views on what it means to be a man. More organizations are developing programs that encourage men to seek mental health assistance when needed.
A recent therapy example
One fall morning, I received a voice message from V* asking about therapy availability. During our first session, he openly discussed his situation. V* was in his early 30s and had to move to the Bay Area from the Midwest for his new job. He reached out as he had been feeling unwell and isolated from his work and friends.
V* is a second-generation immigrant born to Middle Eastern parents, born and brought up in the US Midwest. He also had a girlfriend in the Midwest. He shared that his loneliness caused him to turn to addictive behaviors such as drinking, porn, and marijuana. When he first came for therapy, he was not sure what he wanted.
We worked on some of the issues that he was battling with in therapy which enabled him to start expressing his feelings. As part of the process, he started labeling his emotions. He felt he grew emotionally as he started “putting words to his feelings” and sometimes tearing up in the session made him feel lighter – he had no idea that these emotions were buried in him.
Over time, he felt he understood his thoughts and feelings triggers better and was able to build emotional awareness. He was able to wean away from his negative addictions and started doing well in his job leading to a promotion.
Sometimes, simply recognizing and articulating one’s emotions can be sufficient to respond meaningfully.
Typical mental health issues seen in men
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder
- Addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling, porn)
- Eating disorders
Symptoms
- Lack of sleep
- No appetite
- Difficulty in focusing on work or leisure
- Fatigue
- Isolation
Available tools and resources
Online resources: Web platforms and social media channels, provide information, self-assessment tools, and anonymous forums for individuals to seek support and share their experiences. Helplines and chat services have also been established to offer immediate assistance to those in crisis or in need of guidance.
Professional help: Seeking professional help is usually the first step towards addressing debilitating symptoms of anxiety or depression – be it a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist who is a good fit. Note that many organizations provide Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) for therapy or other mental health support services.
Support groups: There are a lot of support groups available in your community. These help you to realize that you are not alone in this process.
Resources and support group examples
Psychology Today: Men’s Issues
Silicon Valley Recovery – Clinic for addiction
An undue burden
Our society places an undue burden on men to show emotional strength irrespective of their true nature.
Sharing your mental health struggles openly can lighten your load and help you connect with those close to you. Therapy can help you understand the root of your problems and increase self-awareness. Also, do not be swayed by the culture of ‘instant gratification’ as the process of understanding, articulating, and reframing your thoughts and feelings is more of a journey than a destination.
*Name changed to protect identity.