The dancing chef
When Saumya Balasubramanian first came to the U.S., what she missed the most was the Indian dance form called Bharatanatyam. Two kids, and many a home-cooked meal later, she incorporates Bharatanatyam as a daily ritual, dancing while cooking, to break up the monotony of preparing food for her family. As her children would say, a dancing Amma is a happy Amma.
We Belong is a visual series highlighting different experiences of South Asian and Indian identity. This series was produced by India Currents in collaboration with CatchLight as part of the CatchLight Local CA Visual Desk. Photographs and interviews by CatchLight Fellow Sree Sripathy.
Portraits were made in Fremont, Calif., on Feb. 12, 2023 and the interview took place on May 10, 2023 via Zoom. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Tell me about how you came to the US. What were your first experiences like?
I came to the U.S. in 2002 after my marriage. I was working in Infosys and was lucky enough to start working here. It, 2002, was the time of the recession. I did feel grateful to get that opportunity. My managers at Infosys helped me through that. It was post 9/11. My colleagues had sort of prepared me for a certain level of xenophobia. But I didn’t encounter much. You know, people, especially in California, were extremely welcoming.
Within 24 hours of landing here, I met with a car accident. I had gone grocery shopping with a friend and I was sitting in front. Another car came and hit us. I remember the airbag blowing up. I knew that something was broken and called 911. They came and asked to see my passport. The officer looked at it and said ‘Welcome to the USA. Every day is not like this.’ It was such a wonderful thing for him to do, you know?
I hadn’t been added to insurance yet. Regardless of coverage, [the paramedics] took care of my hand. The acid had burned my face, so they took care of that. Everything was done without making me worry. It was brilliant. They were just so professional and caring. It made a huge impression on me. I fell in love with this country then.
Did that experience help you settle in more as an Indian in America?
Now that I think about it, it was one of the crucial things that made me [want to] integrate. There were times when I didn’t understand people’s accents. I’d go to my medical appointments, and they’d say something that I wouldn’t get. It just made me want to try harder to integrate myself into this fabulous society rather than feel any discomfort or alienation.
Do you feel more Indian now? Or less Indian?
This is a tricky question. I think the one variable we don’t consider is that the Indian-ness of those who remained in India has changed. My friends who remained in India are not the friends that I remember, in terms of when I left there. They have changed.
So when we compare it to the India we left behind, I suppose I’m a little away from that. If I look at India now, things like clothes choices that I’m conservative about here now, because that’s how I grew up — it’s not like that in India.
My aunts, my mother, mother-in-law‘s generation — things they would have said to us when we were girls, they (the older generation in India) don’t say to their grandchildren because things have moved on. That’s what culture is, a state of being at the time of being.
How did you connect with your Indian culture when you first came? And how do you connect with it now?
I think now is a lot easier in some ways. In the 20 years that we’ve been here, I’ve had my parents visit, and my parents-in-laws visit. To make sure they’re not bored we would get them Sun TV or VijayTV or access to Ananda Vikatan. So it’s easier to keep in touch. But when I came I had a few CDs, a few cassettes. That’s it for Indian music. I came with two suitcases, one for whatever I needed for the family and one for clothes.
Now to keep in touch there is the internet, YouTube. I can see my niece’s dance streamed live. When I came [to the U.S.] dance was the one thing I missed. I didn’t know the circles in which arangetrams or dance performances were being performed. So I had to work a little harder than I do now.
Is dance the main way you connect?
Yeah, dance and music. And then reading R.K. Narayan. I have some favorite authors that I go back to. I think those are the main ways in which I connect. And over time as my children were born, I put them in classes or Balavihar, or music class, and you get to know more. That’s how I was introduced to India Currents, through one of my children’s dance teachers. So the world opens up to you, but it takes time.
Did you learn anything about India that surprised you after moving to the US in terms of connecting to the culture or passing things down to the kids?
Some things surprised me in not a good way. When I was [in India], I don’t think I learned to recognize the intense patriarchy in society or the sexism in society. But when I came here, and I started to integrate into this society, I learned to recognize some of those things. That was not a very good learning for me because I had a happy childhood.
But there were things, like you couldn’t take public transport alone at night. Even now, when I go back to India, I will automatically be more careful. I tell my daughter, but she doesn’t get it because she’s been in a society where she’s never had to do that.
The good was also there. I loved the fact that there was this whole world of children’s literature. There was Amar Chitra Katha, Chanda Mama, there was Champak. They were all good quality publications that were easily available and affordable and showed us the richness of our stories, our mythologies, our heritage, and our culture. I really appreciated that more after coming [here].
How have your kids connected with Indian culture?
It’s been a process for sure. The fact that my parents and my parents-in-law regularly visited made a big difference. There was also a time when they were more amenable to Carnatic music, or Bharatanatyam. But as they grew, sometimes the interest would wane. Sometimes they dance to a Bollywood song at a party. We have to sort of let them be without pushing it too much. At least that’s my philosophy,
Mukul [my son] likes rasam, he likes almond cake, and he likes stories. The grandparents, my father, and [my husband’s] mother are good storytellers. I think that helped quite a bit.
I remember you saying in an earlier conversation that you dance because you don’t like to cook. Tell me a little bit about that.
I like to cook special dishes when there’s a party. Indian cooking is very nuanced. The rasam has to be made like this, or if you don’t put the asafoetida in at a certain time, it will not smell good. You have to put the curry leaves in at the right time; you have to leave the dosa batter for eight hours at a certain temperature. It’s a very intense sort of process.
I dance because it relieves the monotony of [cooking], but also, I feel like I have some quality time that I’ve used for myself. I have to spend time making sure there’s good nutrition, so when I spend time [on myself], I might as well in a way that I like and feel happy about.
Is there something particular you love to dance to? One piece of music or something?
I like [Bharatanatyam] steps that have a lot of movement so that I’m able to move and come back, to twirl. When it comes to bhavam, I really like motherly love. That’s why I like dancing to Krishna songs. There’s just so much scope. You can capture that naughtiness, you can capture Yashoda’s sternness or Yashoda’s indulgence, though she’s trying to discipline [Krishna].
When I’m in the mood for a pretty good workout, [I like] things like Narasimha Avataram or something where you bring out your fierceness without too much movement. I like dancing to Carnatic music pieces.
When you go back to India and you’re cooking, does the dance come out then too?
In India, it’s a little tougher because when I visit I’m surrounded by people. Everyone wants to come when we’re there, so I don’t really get the kitchen to myself to twirl and dance.
When I visit my nieces, both of whom are excellent dancers, we’ll just twirl around and dance and it becomes a group thing. These girls are so energetic, so nimble in their movements that they will [perform] a jathi as they run across the hall.
What do your kids think about your dancing?
They like me dancing. I think they definitely like it when I’m prancing across a space. I think it makes them think of me like a deer. They look at me with indulgence and they say, “Oh, crazy dancing Amma is here. But at least we’ll have a happy Amma after this.”
What would you want to pass down to your kids?
I think I’d like them to take in the joy of living. Indian culture does a good job of capturing joy in its festivals. Starting from Pongal, sprinkled all through the year, there are enough [festivals] that we celebrate —Krishna Janmashtami or Vinayaka Chathurthi, that are about joy. I hope they’ll remember that sort of journey because otherwise we get caught up in the web of productivity so much that we lose these things.
I hope they tap into this aspect of our culture, you know, that there’s joy, there are experiences, there are different aspects that you have to have for your personality to bloom and continuously work towards it. If it’s dance, you can work towards dance for 50 years, 60 years, you can keep going. It’s the same way with books, it’s an ocean with philosophy. Go for it.
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This series was produced by India Currents in collaboration with CatchLight as part of the CatchLight Local CA Visual Desk. Contributors include Vandana Kumar, Meera Kymal, Mabel Jimenez, and Jenny Jacklin-Stratton. Learn more about CatchLight Local’s collaborative model for local visual journalism at https://www.catchlight.io/local
This series was made possible in part by funding provided by the State of California, administered by the California State Library in partnership with the California Department of Social Services and the California Commission on Asian and Pacific Islander American Affairs as part of the Stop the Hate program.