The Bulgari Mangalsutra

Indian parents welcome mixed-race marriages

“Mark wants an Indian wedding ceremony,” said Sheila Bhavnani*. “My daughter would be happy with a simple wedding but Mark would love to ride a horse into the wedding venue in his Indian best. He wants to do it the traditional way. We are thrilled, of course.” The groom-to-be has grown up in the San Francisco Bay Area, as has Sheila’s daughter, the bride-to-be. The wedding celebrations are being planned in two different cities, Mumbai and Half Moon Bay, California.

The fastest-growing demographic in America is the biracial population, according to the 2020 Census data. In a decade, it has almost quadrupled from 9 million in 2010 to 33.8 million in 2020. During this time, Indian American parents in the USA have not only adjusted to the new reality of mixed-race marriages among their children, but many have welcomed it wholeheartedly. 

Los Altos’s Simi Kapoor* and her family are excited to celebrate the wedding of their daughter,  Preeti* with her caucasian partner Donald Christopher*. Donald’s family who are from Santa Cruz, CA, are equally over the moon with the love match that brings with it new traditions and cultures. “Donald’s mother asked me if there was anything required by them for the Hindu wedding ceremony”, said Simi. “I said, ‘We have it under control, it’s all organized. The groom’s mother then asked me, ‘What about something called the mangalsutra?’ They seem to know more about our traditions than many Indians!” exclaimed Simi. “Well, in that case, tell them Bulgari makes one, quipped a friend of mine”, Simi said, laughing. 

Bollywood weddings are coveted by non-desis too

The charm of a Bollywood wedding has woven its magic around the imaginations of the American grooms or brides-to-be. This sentiment has been echoed by several Indian-American parents who find themselves hosting a prince/princess-themed Bollywood-styled wedding extravaganza. 

Choreographed dances, luxury wedding favors

Bhangra dances by the family members are choreographed by software engineer turned choreographer Tinny Juneja; deliciousness is whipped up by chefs like Vidya Gurikar, extravagant outfits for the bridesmaids and groomsmen are shipped from India. High-end luxury wedding favors for all wedding guests are personalized with ‘thank you’ messages from the bride and groom. Memories forever. 

For the bride’s wedding finery, embroiderers and artisans from well-known design labels weave their magic to fulfill the bride’s dream for her wedding day. Bridal outfits in special boxes are packed to be shipped to whichever upscale destination in the world that the bride has decided to tie the knot – Italian villas, the exotic beaches dotting California’s Highway 1, or Vermont’s ski chalets. The dress comes in a Sabyasachi monogrammed box which you can check in as a suitcase and your lehenga stays in the original box !!” said Seema Sarin, a Los Altos resident. 

The Indian American parents provide outfits and all other wedding finery for their American son or daughter-in-law and their families for every occasion with matching jewelry for their new family members to wear at the various events that constitute the wedding celebration. 

Hosting vs going Dutch 

The cost of hosting a wedding can start from $200,000 to $500,000. “If it is a mixed wedding, and only one of the parties to the wedding is Indian American, the Indian American parents usually pay for the entire wedding,” said a wedding planner to India Current’s Ritu Marwah.

Gunjan Anand, whose daughter married into a Chinese American family, had a different plan. “The children wanted to invite their friends, so they drew up a list of the guests and split the cost of the wedding,” she said. “We hosted another party for our friends.”

Chalo Bharat 

The parents of the American son or daughter-in-law also travel to India with their new Indian American family, submerging themselves in experiencing their new-found culture. A wedding celebration in India is an absolute must for extended family and friends back home. The Indian American family become tour guides and hosts to the country they had left behind.  Holiday travels to the Taj Mahal, the princely palaces of Rajasthan and the fun beaches of Goa are become de rigueur. 

Simi Kapoor’s family found their new son-in-law enjoying the Indian food, music and culture more than their own children whose memories of visiting India as young children often included buzzing mosquitoes, cheek-pinching relatives, and spicy food. They do not share their new spouses’ enthusiasm for India as much as their partners. The Indian parents on the other hand are delighted by the enthusiasm of their non-Indian daughter-in-law or son-in-law to be.

OTT fuels glamorous wedding dreams

What fuels the imagination of wedding couples is the opulence displayed in OTT series like Made in Heaven on Prime Video and  Indian Matchmaking on Netflix. These glamorize the traditional Indian wedding experience as a not to be missed party. 

In the United States Indian Matchmaking ranks in the 70 percentile of reality shows. Parrot Analytics found that it has 1.5 times the demand of the average TV series. It is watched alike by Indian and caucasian millennials.

In January 2024, a New Delhi restaurant in San Francisco opened its doors to Seema Taparia aka Seema Aunty; the Mumbai-based matchmaker featured on Indian Matchmaking attracted a 50-strong diverse group of hopefuls on a Sunday afternoon. 

Millennial priests like Aseem Shukla officiate wedding ceremonies weaving humor into the Sanskrit rituals, bringing the mirth of standup comedians and the seriousness of priesthood all rolled into one. 

As a wedding priest, Shukla has had requests from various couples who want their wedding to be “fun and not a stuffy affair”. A data journalist by day, Shukla also moonlights as a Hindu priest. 

Like Seema Aunty, he too hits the dance floor, joining the wedding guests at the reception. He speaks their language, knows their moves, and doesn’t hesitate to add that he too is looking for a match.

*Some names have been changed on request.

Read Also: Where Churro Meets Jalebi by Ritu Marwah