Earlier this month, I found myself facing an audience of young women in Singapore. They had gathered on a weeknight for the first meeting of the year for the Young Women’s Leadership Connection to network, set goals, and be inspired.
I was a guest speaker, and like the attendees, had made my way to the venue after a day at work. Despite a tiring week, I was determined to show up for one simple reason – it was important to me.
I too was young and lost once
More than two decades ago, I moved from Washington DC to the San Francisco Bay Area to begin my first real job. I was in my late twenties and had just found out that I was pregnant. Without the support of a local family or experienced friends to guide me about what lay ahead, I was scared and anxious.
For most women, becoming a mother is an event that impacts their lives and careers more than anything else. Gender-based conditioning and cultural expectations cause a disproportionately greater responsibility of child-rearing to fall on women. Besides these, inequities at the workplace, like lack of adequate maternity benefits, reliable daycare and job flexibility, also add to the burden.
The first few months after childbirth were exhausting but uneventful because I had my mother’s support at home. When she left, I felt bereft. Amma had been happy to be a homemaker and asked me to enjoy motherhood by giving up my job. But there was no way I could entertain her suggestion. I had worked hard for my Ph.D. and loved my job.
Finding understanding support systems
I needed someone who could validate my perspective, and understand my motivation and my dilemma. In the days before LinkedIn and online social groups, it wasn’t easy to find such people. Yet, I persisted. I spoke to colleagues who were working moms. They helped me find resources like daycare centers near my home or office, and places where I could get career advice in case I was looking for a change from my lab-based job. That’s how I found myself at a weeknight session to listen to people speak about various topics of direct relevance to young working women like me. And that made a huge difference.
All you need is a little encouragement
Finding a community that makes you feel like you belong is a lifelong search. Like many young people, I had enjoyed the adventure of leaving home, moving to a distant country, and figuring out a career path but there came a time when I wanted comfort, safety, and understanding.
While most of the people in those sessions didn’t look like me or share my cultural background, their current lives mirrored mine. I found useful information and nuggets of inspiration from them. But I also got what I needed most; confirmation that I was not alone and validation that my struggles were real.
Pros and cons of flexible work schedules
The professional world has changed considerably today. Before laptops, WiFi and smartphones took over our lives, driving home after a work day meant I could truly switch off and leave my work behind, allowing me time to focus on myself and my family. With flexible work options, there is some level of ease but also an expectation to be always connected and therefore, always available.
Even with a gradually reducing gender pay gap, there is still considerable gender inequity in workplaces across the world. With more professional immigration, multicultural workplaces and the challenges of being an immigrant are faced by many more.
The wheel of time keeps turning
When I was approached to be the guest speaker at the “Design Your Blueprint” session in Singapore, I felt honored and humbled. As I reached the venue wearing one of my favorite sarees and my trademark bindi and saw the varied group of women in the audience, I realized how far I had come. I was once in an audience like this – a young woman brimming with ambition and confusion in equal measure, full of enthusiasm to experience life but not sure how to fit it all in.
A small voice within me asked, ‘Was I really on the other side now? Had I figured out my own life sufficiently to share my stories?’
The women in the audience asked many questions. How does one adjust goals when life throws unexpected challenges? What can one do to build resilience? How can you live a life without regret?
I answered as truthfully as I could hoping my talk resonated with some. All I could do was speak honestly about my journey and the lessons I learned from it. My presence in a saree was a testament of my own commitment to be true to myself and to show other women that they could do it too. Representation is important. But most important of all is showing up.
By showing up for something a little outside my comfort zone, I stood up for myself and for all the women who were looking for exactly the things I had once been seeking.
Living a coherent life – one in which who you are, what you believe in, and what you do are in sync – has been my goal. I am not there yet but with each passing year, I feel more committed to that goal.