If you’re a man who finds approaching women a challenge, you’re in good company. While sitting in a lounge or coffee shop, an attractive woman smiles. Although she seems friendly, you hesitate.. Your mind wanders playing out worst case scenarios of utter humiliation. In the meantime, the schmuck sitting two seats down suavely strikes up a conversation with her. The rest, as they say, is history.

It’s important to recognize what mistakes you’re making and figure out how to rectify them. Here are three common errors men make when approaching women, and strategies on how to avoid them.

Kryptonite 1: Boredom
Chances are, the women you’re meeting aren’t living the lives of superheroes. Rather, they are drudging through stressful jobs and longing for adventure. You can be the spark she’s seeking. How? Convey it through your conversation and body language.

Ask her open-ended questions, or say something completely unexpected. Shake off any sense of stress or boredom before approaching a woman. Keep your arms open as you speak; use hand gestures or movements; smile; make eye contact.

Kryptonite 2: Low Self-Esteem
If you don’t buy into your value, why should she? This isn’t to say that women want an egocentric jerk; instead, they want someone who is confident. Remember, you’re offering her a once-in a-lifetime opportunity to get to know you —make sure she knows you’re special.

Kryptonite 3: Neediness
If you’re like most men, you want a little challenge. It wouldn’t be very satisfying to have everything you wanted with a simple snap of your fingers. This sounds lovely on the surface, but doesn’t help in the long term. Here’s the trick: Imagine your interaction as an emotional bank account. Every time you tell a story, make a joke, share an intimacy, or make a statement, you are adding value to the interaction (making a deposit). Every time you try too hard to connect, you are taking away value (making a withdrawal). By keeping these pitfalls in mind, you’re more likely to succeed.

Jasbina Ahluwalia has pioneered an approach to matchmaking, which blends the best of the East and the West. She is the Founder-President of Intersections Match by Jasbina, the only premier dating coaching firm for Indian singles in the US, Canada and the UK. Jasbina@Intersectionsmatch.com

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